Heavy Heart

[Dhe Poet]

My wife and I moved to her home town shortly after her bearing our first child. It has been over ten years now. We have her family and friends as well as mutual friends. The woman who my wife considers to be her best friend, being her maid of honor at our wedding, sitting in on the births of our two youngest and she with hers, birthdays, holidays, you name it we've all done it together, has come to a point in her life where she has thrown away much of my wifes trust as she has said hurtful things and we do not know the real reason why. As much as it hurts me and my wife our children will eventually find out that something has gone awry with our two families relations and just thinking about their feelings turns my stomach. I just can not believe that this Christian woman could be so Blah blah blah. We all have showed love for one another all of these years. I know these things happen everyday all over but we aren't in high school any more. Anyways, if anyone has some good advice for a resolve of friendships that only one friend knows or just prayers for two families in need I would appreciate it. God Bless us all, everyone.

[Boxcar]

This is what I would do if I was your wife:

I would ask the friend to meet me somewhere such as a resturant. This would be a neutral place where we could talk.

I would ask the friend something like "I feel that you do not seem like yourself recently. I have experienced you speaking negatively of my family and feel a trust has been broken. This does not seem to me to be something you would do. Please tell me what is happening right now? What are you feeling?"

I would give her the oppertunity to talk and continue to be supportive and use "I" statements. This provides a communication enviroment that is not aggressive or triggering defensiveness.

If I was able to work through this with the friend, I would still be very careful and wait for her to earn back the trust she has broken. I would give her forgiveness and if we shared a faith I would pray together with her.

If we couldn't reconcile our problem, I would leave the friendship by wishing her the best and forgiving her despite what she did.

While this could be painful for the children, I would not hide it from them. I would use it to teach a painful but important life lesson or two about forgiveness, friendship, trust, and the ways people change.

This advice, of course, is just what I might do. Please consider it for what it is worth and nothing more. :)

My thoughts are with you during this time. I hope things transpire in a way that brings peace to all involved.

[Dhe Poet]

Thank you Boxcar. This is much like the advice I have received from others with reason. I believe it to be the right thing to do and hopefully in time all wounds might heal. Still, at least for now it is very difficult to not think about it all of the time. Thank you again for your thoughtful input.

[Bananas]

When there is such an abrupt change, one wonders if there is a physical problem, or some other big problem going on. If things are buried instead of dealt with, it can come out sideways. Sorry you have to go through this. Do you see changes in the other family members?