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View Full Version : PLEASE READ; I NEED GUIDANCE. (very long)



billfromca
07-17-2009, 12:57 PM
I’ve just recently came across this site and am looking for some guidance or help, if you will, in my yucky situation. I am obviously a male teacher(and i beg of you to not view me as some womanizing pig just because i'm a man, you honestly have no idea how hard it is being a man in this field) at the elementary level. I haven’t been in teaching very long but last year got into some “trouble” with my district. Btw, i love teaching and couldn’t imagine having to leave it. I’ll try to explain this as briefly as possible.

During last year’s school year i transferred to a new school in my district. I am a divorced, pretty decent looking guy (not trying to be arrogant but for the story thought it needed to be said). Well back to what happened….there was a fellow female teacher on the staff who from the very beginning liked to tell me about things that had previously happened at the school(including a few sexual stories). I kinda thought she may be into me but just tried to ignore it because not only am i in a happy relationship, but even if i were single, wouldn’t be interested in her in the first place. As the year went on, she kind of befriended me(which me being at a new school seemed okay to me since the rest of the staff were older and not as open to talking to me)and would tell me things that not only didn’t relate to school but were a little out of line. I didn’t think anything about it and didn’t really think it was worth reporting or anything like that. Needless to say, later in the year something happened(i still don't know what it was) to get her upset with me, and she ended up getting a few of her friends(she had been there a while) to complain about me(a few of them complained that i had told them “they looked nice”, which i innocently did, not meaning anything of course) and she said that i had said sexual things to her(which i hadn’t). Immediately, and even though my principal had told me i was doing a great job, she reported it to the head office without even talking to me about it. The next monday i was told to report to h.r., where i was told i would be placed outside of the school, while the investigation was going on.

Eventually the investigation concluded, after interviews with me, fellow staff members, etc. I was told by a staff member that i would simply be getting placed in another school. Well after the weekend i was informed of a minor problem(2 hours short) on my pd, which i wasn’t aware of because i was no longer on the school’s email list, and yes i know it’s my responsibility to keep up with. This person correctly and thankfully informed me that they were going to fire me unless i resigned(which i think was mainly done due to budget and teacher cuts they were having to make). My union rep, who wasn’t very helpful during this whole process, told me that it was pretty much my only option at this point and i didn’t have the finances to hire an attorney. I unfortunately ended up resigning. I will also say that it’s the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do. Even though they said my record would be “sponged” or cleared(and the principal said she’d give me a good reference as well), i’ve had trouble getting interviews(had 1 through connections, where i was barely beat out by someone with “more experience”).

I’m going through hell right now and have been all summer. Even though they gave me a good amount of my escrow, i will be broke around september-october, unless i get another job(which i can’t during the summer because in order to lower child support and see my daughter more, i keep her half of the time). I also have to pay a big child support every month because i’ve had to save money for the summer and still, can’t afford an attorney. If i don’t have a teaching job by mid August am going to have to look into getting some sort of job to get me through. I was also told that i couldn’t receive unemployment since i had resigned(even though i basically had no choice). I’m sorry this was so long but is there someone out there that could give me some advice, or at least peace of mind, about this absolutely heartwrenching, terrible situation i’m in right now? I’m honestly going through hell right now. :( Thanks in advance!

billfromca
07-17-2009, 02:53 PM
i figured i'd have some replies on this by now. oh well.

Boxcar
07-17-2009, 05:37 PM
We respond but not THAT quickly! I usually check the forums in the moring and late afternoon. Hang on. I'll read and get back to you.

Boxcar
07-17-2009, 05:47 PM
Okay...

I'm not very knowledgeable of all things legal. Additionally, I'm part of the Early Childhood field which is different.

My first thought is this: You can easily get a position at a childcare center. The requirements are quite lax. At most, you can get care for your daughter for free if she is around that age. Also, many centers will foot the bill for pro. devl. stuff at least once. This will keep you employed until you find a position. Try looking for one outside your immediate area. Read Chef Dave's recent thread if you think your employer is talking negatively about you in ways that are slanderous. In the worst case senario, you may have to leave this school off your resume and just start again. You could pick up some substitute work to rebuild the resume.

I'll think on it some more. Just wanted to give you some feedback.

Boxcar
07-17-2009, 05:50 PM
You say you transfered. What was your record and connections at your old school. Would they take you back or make a stellar recommendation for you? Try and see if you can call in some favors perhaps.

I do have a question about the places you are applying. Are they your "dream" schools or are they whatever you can get? You might have to take a job at a school with high-turnover in the inner city to get started again.

billfromca
07-17-2009, 08:49 PM
yeah, i've applied to just about all schools within driving distance. I have good references from both of my former schools by the way(or at least that's what they tell me). Both of the schools i previously worked at are in the same school district and are out of the question. Subbing is an option but only if i can't get a teaching job. Thanks for your response though. I'm sure there are some women on here who may be thinking i'm just another man that got what he deserved. But I honestly got shortchanged in a horrible way, even most of the people at my old school have told people the same thing! Anyway, thanks again! I appreciate the help.

herdgrad
07-18-2009, 07:41 AM
You say that your former schools tell you that you have a good reference from them, why not ask for a letter of recommendation so that way you have proof to take with you. I agree with boxcar's post about applying for jobs that are not your dream school, but it is a way to get your foot back in the door. As boxcar said you really need to read the thread from chef dave.

Spectre
07-18-2009, 07:28 PM
It is sooooo very easy to "get" male teachers. :cry2:

As you have regretfully discovered, it takes only an allegation
and, perhaps, a skittish administration to totally sink your proverbial boat. Too often, administration is more interested in covering for themselves and bowing before the mighty god of political correctness than in seeking out the truth of what really transpired in a situation. They'd rather sacrifice the perceived perpetrator....YOU.

Sounds like your union wasn't much help, just like the NCAE (north carolina association of educators) wasn't much help to a friend of mine when he got ambushed by something like this, years ago. You mean to tell me that your union won't even pay for an attorney to pursue legal action? Some advocate they are! What do you pay union dues for????

I agree with the others. You need to seek out the people with whom you had a successful teaching experience and get them to give you a recommendation/reference. Don't just take this.

SiobhanMarie
07-19-2009, 12:32 AM
Of course, I'm a student teacher early in my degree - but I also would love to encourage you not to give up and stand your ground. Use what resources you have and believe in what you do to help get back on your feet. Good luck.

Brit
07-21-2009, 08:51 AM
Please don't feel that most women are "out to get" male teachers. I don't think anyone is thinking "your'e just another man who got what he deserved." I have nothing but respect for the male teachers I've worked with, and I know how catty some of the women can be. Sadly, what's just catty between women can be career-ending when directed towards a male, and that's not fair.

I agree with Spectre -- your union should've stepped up for you. I don't really have any advice, but I wish you luck.

silvana
07-22-2009, 01:10 AM
This sounds so awful and unfortunately I have no advice sorry but I do wish you well and feel it would be a tremendous shame if you gave up because of one persons not very nice behaviour. I am English and we have a system called legal aide where people get free legal representation do you have anything similar? Also in my union your fees provide all members with free legal representation doesnt you union provide the same? I hope you dont give up and I wish you well.

billfromca
07-27-2009, 11:14 AM
Thank you to those who replied. My time is running out on getting a teaching job for the upcoming year. I am hoping to get on as a sub(which i did in the past), as my last option. I had two interviews in the last month and although i was told by both principals that i had great interviews, both went to teachers with "more experience." I don't know whether to believe that or not and do feel like i'm being blackballed. Regardless, i will not let this stop me from teaching. I will continue searching and will not give up on what I was meant to do in this life! This is a VERY unfortunate time in my life but I will keep fighting.

Psalm 25
15 Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net.
16 Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses.
18 Look upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins.
19 Consider mine enemies; for they are many; and they hate me with cruel hatred.
20 O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee.
21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee.

hweber
07-27-2009, 05:56 PM
Good Luck billfromca. Let us know what you decide to do.

Flower Child
08-05-2009, 08:13 AM
billfromca,
I am not "one of those women." I feel sorry and angry. I have a brother in the education field and I worry constantly about this kind of thing happening to him. I am always hoping he remembers to keep a door open or have another person around when a high school girl needs to talk to him. As it was said earlier, all it takes is an allegation to end a male's career.
We also have a teacher like the one you described. This is an odd situation. A new male teacher came into a faculty meeting. This female teacher introduced herself as "a sex fiend." Someone went and told the admin. and they tried to get the new male to fill out a report for harrassment. He refused to do it, and now he is getting the "fine toothed comb" evaluations!
We desperately need male elementary teachers! There are so many single mother homes in our area, and I'm sure in many others. The male voice is significant in raising these kids. I know how hard your job is and how rare your position is. I want to encourage you to keep trying. Stand up for yourself and assert yourself. Make people see that you are a valuable commodity and brag about your good realtionships with your students. Use demographics in your resumes and discuss your classroom discipline techniques in your interviews. I have sat on many interview committes and these are the things that have always impressed us. (by the way, find a good reason you can use for resigning the position. NEVER say you were asked to resign or refer to any of he behavior that took place on your last job. True or not..it will be cause for second thoughts.) Good luck!