Anxiety attacks 6 months later (vent)

[Helix]

I am still having anxiety attacks 6 months later. This school has just felt like a poor fit to me from the start. My boyfriend talks to a lot of locals and they're just like "oh my God, she works for THAT district?" I've spent my entire vacation waking up in the middle of the night with migraines and lightheadedness, and I'm having stomach issues that I won't go into details...I just have not adjusted to this school and I don't think I will. I go back in a couple days and I feel like I am going to puke.

There's always this attitude like "Thanks for what you do, but what you do isn't good enough." I was outright told by the administrator after an incident that was not preventable that "I evidently can't do my job." I went home and cried.

I don't feel like a teacher, I feel like a babysitter to abusive high schoolers that make remarks like "I can't wait to have his baby," or "Why don't you get it...we don't care about science, we care about our nails and hair...those will get us somewhere."

I have three other job prospects, one's already been borderline handed to me 5 months before my contract is up and he's willing to wait out the 5 months if I'm willing to go over there...it'll be a similar level of issues but an $8,000 salary increase and a 3 minute commute.

The other is at a charter school but will be a pay drop, and probably longer hours, but less aggravation and only a 5 minute commute, but after my last charter school drama I don't know if I can trust them...

The third is an hour commute and I'd be teaching my friend's kids but it's a small town district which means a massive pay drop and probably extensive multi-course planning but no hassle.

I'm sorry to complain and whine and vent. I'm now going to get my certification to teach elementary/middle school science because I'm hoping maybe teaching smaller people will be more conducive to my emotional health and let me reach my potential. I've stopped trying my best now because it just doesn't work in this school. I'm now a pen-and-paper science teacher, my worst nightmare.

[SS Rocks!]

I hope your medical issues improve. I wish you the best of luck in the new year.

I also wish you the best of luck in making your decision for next year. It's sounds like a tough one. Regardless of where you choose to go, it sounds like a better alternative to where you are now. Even the school that is similar to yours could be a nice change.

Hang in there! :itsok:

[Brit]

um....it sounds to me like you'd qualify for an extended medical leave. why not try for it? because honestly, none of the above choices is going to work for you if you put yourself in the hospital before you get teh chance to get to tehm.

[David]

Your health is paramount......no pay increase is a substitute for good health. It sounds to me as if you are teaching in a very difficult situation that would challenge most teachers. I prefer to teacher the younger children for some of the very reasons you outlined. When making your decision think of what is best for you and your health

[MsCoffeeLover]

The good thing is that you already have three job prospects. Even if you didn't have any, you can't work any job if you don't have your health. One of the good things about becoming a teacher is that there is always a demand for teachers. Keep that in mind.

Two years ago, I was in a similar situation. Administration wasn't supportive at all, the people that were assigned and paid a stipend to guide/mentor were people that I never saw, everyone undermined my authority, and, like you, I was sick. For the first time ever, I had high blood pressure--dangerously high to the point where the school nurse had to check it all the time and pleaded with me to go to the doctor. . Lucky for me, my class was next door to the nurse. On top of that, I would throw up all the time too. As the year progressed, someone would have to come to my class and watch my kids so I could go next door and vomit. Then I would pace and pace and pace and had to keep pacing because to do so would mean more sickness. Pacing had never become such an important part of survival.

The school nurse was the most supportive one at that time. Also, there were people that didn't have to look out for me that stepped up and did so. There is always one or two of those. They are in the sidelines watching and surprise you when you least expect it. However, I also refused to let them win and was determined to hang in there.

That school dropped the ball on me in so many ways, and I was vocal about it. They offered me a job for the following year, but I wasn't returning. The administrator wrote a a below average reference. Sold the house, and took a year off from full time teaching deciding to substitute in a different county instead. That helped, and it was nice to go to work, actually teach, and go home and not have to do that extra stuff. It was what I needed.

By the grace of God an some impressive answers in an interview, I managed to get cleared in a different county even with a below average reference. It took awhile, but I was offered a job from an administrator who was completely aware of the below average reference, and was just impressed how I didn't lie about it.

Teaching was given one more year in a different county. Last year was the definitive year, and I finally made it. There are real supportive administrators out there. There are places that offer the guidance new teachers need. There are people that actually help. Real people that show up, introduce themselves, look over stuff, and actually offer help and advice and suggestions. It was inspiring.

You do what you heart tells you to do. Your body is telling you the current school in not a good fit for you. There are a ton of options out there --even if you didn't have three options you have now. There are still a ton more that you haven't heard of yet.

Take care of you first, don't let them win, and do whatever you need to do to get where you want to be. We will never have all the answers, there are lots of lessons to be learned, and you have lots of choices. Choose you and your health, and then choose whatever may make you happier.

Again, lots of coffee and New Years momentum kicking in. Please keep us up to date or return to vent or ask questions here. The folks here helped me out just when I needed it, and shaped me into a better person and teacher. If you dont' feel like posting, you can send me a message, and I will help in any way I can.

Good luck!

[muinteoir]

Bless you. Take care of yourself first and foremost.

It's hard to completely understand everything in a chatboard-type format, but I'm getting the feeling that none of your possible job options are really what you want or need. What will it take for you to get the additional certification? Can you take a year off?

A change in student age might be perfect for you. Here's my story - all the way through college I thought I wanted to teach elementary of high school; I thought middle school would be my worst nightmare.
I did half of my student teaching at a middle school and half at an elementary school. I loved the middle schoolers!
My first job was middle school and high school. Guess which I liked best? You got it - middle school! Go figure.

When I got a full time middle school job, I loved it so much, I never left! I have spent most of my career with the little goobers. For whatever reason, that's the age group I resonate with the most.

I hope you can find what makes you happy.

[Boxcar]

(((Helix)))

I'm sorry you are facing such challenges. Try to take care of yourself as best you can. I know it is easier said than done, but it is very important.

Only you will know what the best course of action is. It sounds like you need to leave your current school. The three options show that you can make a change and try a new place. Carefully consider what you feel is right, and go from there.

Also, recognize that it isn't your fault this is happening. Sometimes things just don't work. Certain student populations are impossible to reach. Certain schools are not postive fits or good enviroments. You had a go and did your best. Take comfort in that.

[Helix]

I've taken a lot of this to heart and I am feeling a lot better, more confident. Thank you!

[lynn bambusch]

I just want to add, your health is the most important thing! When I was student teaching, high school history, my supervising teacher said to me "Why would a girl go into teaching history, history is about war!" Shortly after that I came down with a heck of a ulcer and other health problems. Without the support of other staff and the students, I never would have made it. Now, many years and several districts later, I realize the you just need to find the right place, with the right support. Nothing is worth your health! Good luck, I know you will figure it out, just know you are tougher and you will get a lot of support right here in this forum!

[Helix]

My blood pressure is up 40 points, and I had something that felt like a heart attack the other day.

I have interviews soon....thank God.

[Spectre]

I hope you can resolve this soon. I just came off of three tough years in a row and am now in a much better situation. :) I know what it's like to be in an untenable position. :idontknow:

Regardless, your health is everything. Don't take chances with that! No amount of job security or pay is worth losing that.

[muinteoir]

PLEASE be good to yourself.
Keep us posted and know that we care.

[Meese]

What other jobs have you tried - besides teaching? Just curious - having done banking for 20 years and then fleeing to teaching.

[MsCoffeeLover]

At last check a few days ago, my blood pressure was 160/130. I laughed my a** off right there in the middle of the CVS pharmacy as I waited for them to fill the blood pressure prescription. Lucky for me, they have a massage chair too!

When things get tough for me, I find a way to dig my heals in and never let "them" win--who ever "they" are.

Still, I do want to hear about the job search. Good Luck to you.

[Helix]

What other jobs have you tried - besides teaching? Just curious - having done banking for 20 years and then fleeing to teaching.


I've had many other jobs which I can do well.

I am not considering another field right now... I can handle teaching...

However, teaching students that are allowed to throw things at me without punishment and say sexually explicit things and I am told "What do you expect US to do?" by administration indicates perhaps I am not the one with the issue. I finally learned to stop blaming myself. lol ;)

When I have to sit in a meeting for a student that would rather skip my class, act like a "comfort woman" in training, talk and screech in laughter over me, make fun of me, harass other students, refuse to complete assignments, and I politely have a positive conversation with my concerns with the family....and the family pulls a pouty fit and tells the "wronged" student that "She's being attacked" and how much "We [the teachers] just simply don't *understand* her," that tells me this is a personal problem with the people in this district.

I have 2 more interviews. They started calling me recently for some reason. I am just hoping there's no spite from the upper end and I get trashed.