First Angry Parent

[Chef Dave]

As some of you may know, this is my first year back in education. I am a chef instructor at a high school culinary arts program. Prior to earning a culinary arts degree and working in the food service industry, I was an elementary teacher. I previously taught for 17 years and have certainly had my share of angry parents. Having nearly made it to the end of this first year back in education, I am sorry to say that I just had my first experience with an angry parent at high school.

To be fair, the parent wasn't simply angry at me. He was angry at the school and the entire system.

While attending an afterschool IEP meeting for a special ed student, the parent thumped his hand on the conference room table and shouted that we weren't doing our jobs. His daughter, who is a junior, was only on a 3rd grade reading level and a 5th grade math level.

WHAT THE H*LL WAS GOING ON AT THIS SCHOOL?

Why was the girl only scheduled for classes from 7:45 through 12:10?

Why wasn't she in a pull out program for special ed?

When the assistant administrator tried to speak, the parent pointed a finger at her and told her to be quiet. "I don't want to hear from a politician!" he snapped.

The assistant quietly left in search of the building administrator.

While she was gone, the special education teacher tried to speak but the parent kept interrupting him. He banged his hand on the table and shouted, "Not good enough! I want answer! My daughter needs help! Why aren't you doing your job?"

I gave a mental sigh of relief when the building administrator finally arrived accompanied by the assistant administrator.

The parent turned the tables on the parent. "Sir ... were you aware that your daughter has only been at school for 16 out of the last 32 days?"

The parent paused. "So? What does that have to do anything?"

"How do you expect your child to learn when she's not in school."

"But she is!"

"Sir ... she was absent four days last week."

"But she was in school before that. Anyway, that's not what I want to talk about. What I want to know is ..."

"Don't you think attendance is part of the problem?"

The parent glared at the administrator. "It is and I'll DEAL with it. Let's move on ... what I'd like to know is..."

"Don't you think her grades would be better if she came to school?" asked the administrator.

"It'd also help if she had a better attitude," added the art teacher. "She's constantly talking in class and won't pay attention."

"The same is true for culinary arts," I added.

THUMP! The parent slammed his hand onto the table. "Enough of this! Why didn't anyone tell me she was having problems?"

"Haven't you received progress reports?" asked the administrator.

"I have, but ..."

"And don't you talk to your daughter? Don't you ask her how she's doing in school?" asked the art teacher.

"I do. She tells me that everything is fine."

"But if everything was fine, would she have the grades reported on the progress report?" asked the administrator.

"LOOK!" snapped the parent. "I just want to know why my daughter isn't in a pull out program. Why isn't she learning anything in school? Why is she only at school for a half day?"

"Students are responsible for registering for classes," said the administrator. "They have ten days to change their schedule after the semester begins. Parents must approve their schedules."

"I never approved nothing!"

The building administrator showed the parent a signed consent form for the current semester.

"Oh ... that ... well ... how come she isn't in pull out classes?"

The assistant administrator joined the conversation. "NCLB has changed the way everything is done. In Arizona, students are mainstreamed. They have the option of going to special education for additional help as needed during class but there are no longer any pull out programs."

"That's stupid," grumbled the parent.

"That's the law," sighed the assistant.

"So ...what can be done to help my daughter?"

"It would help if you could encourage your daughter to come to school," said the building administrator.

"ENOUGH ABOUT THAT! I KNOW ABOUT THAT! I'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT! NOW LET'S MOVE ON!"

The special education teacher volunteered to tutor the child during 6th and 7th periods. The building administrator told the parent about an after school tutorial program that runs from 3 PM to 5 PM.

"Alright, now THAT'S what I'm talking about!" beamed the parent. "Now, is there any way I can get daily reports about my child's progress?"

Into the silence that suddenly fell, I suggested doing something that we had done at the elementary level. We could issue the student a notebook and each teacher could write a brief note about how she did in class. Each teacher would sign the note and at the end of the day, the student would take the notebook back home where her father could review it and sign it showing that he had read it.

"Well there you go," said the building administrator. "What do you think?"

The father loved the idea and the meeting ended.

It remains to be seen whether the student will actually USE the notebook and whether her attendance will improve.

We will see ...

[jsfowler]

I am also dealing with a parent that in the 11th hour wants to know why her son is going to be held back in the 8th grade. Lets see...Ds and Fs, 36 days absent, a behavior report a mile long. She has been inform of this all year and waits until now to care.

[smithmt]

Do the courts in your part of the world not care about absences? why wasn't the child before a judge? Was she already 18 and signing her own excuse notes? and even then I'm sure state law has a maximum days of excused absences before the child see the courts... granted SpEd law requires certain things, but seriously...

[Chef Dave]

As I anticipated, the student did not give me a notebook to sign. I reported this to building administration who subsequently checked with the other teachers. Nobody was given a notebook.

And despite the father's promise, the girl was absent during first period.

In the meanwhile, the father threw another tantrum. He came to school and withdrew his son, causing him to miss the sports activity bus for an away game with the school's baseball team.

It turns out that his son witnessed a savage beating committed by other students who had all ditched their 7th period class. The students beat up a high school drop out turned drug dealer for a deal that went bad.

It seems that the police will be pressing assault charges against all participants including those who just stood by and watched.

With regards to attendance in Arizona, we do have a truancy law. Students who have severe attendance problems could wind up in juvenile detention.

I am not sure at what point the court would be involved.

Our school requires students with 10 or more absences to appear before an appeals committee. They essentially plead their case as to why they should receive academic credit for the semester.

For reasons unknown, the appeals committee tends to be fairly lenient - granting clemency provided all makeup work is done and provided the student receives a passing end of semester grade in class.

My culinary arts student currently has a 66.4 GPA ... and poor performance on the final exam could very well sink her ... whereupon I am sure I will have another visit from her father.

(grimace)

[smithmt]

For reasons unknown, the appeals committee tends to be fairly lenient - granting clemency provided all makeup work is done and provided the student receives a passing end of semester grade in class.

(grimace)

Right, meaning more work for the already overworked!

[MissTeach]

I'm glad your building administrator was willing to address the real problem with the parent. I have had admistrators that avoid confrontation and just sit there.

[sgaestel]

Wow, it sounds like your administration handled that situation beautifully. And the idea about the notebook is a great one, we did that with freshman last year that were struggling. Requiring the student to give the teacher the notebook keeps it in the student's hands, and keeps them responsible for their education. Not shocked that she didn't give it to her teachers, though.

Question: Was the student present for this meeting?

[Chef Dave]

Question: Was the student present for this meeting?

No, the student was not present. Given the father's display of temper, this was probably a good thing.

The father appeared to be looking for someone ... ANYONE to blame as long as he himself did not have to take personal responsibility for his lack of parenting skills.

The girl is a junior and quite frankly, her attendance is a major problem because she has missed the equivalent of two month's worth of school.

Since most of my instruction is hands-on, it's difficult to make up for absences. I assign students to read, research, and write bout recipes - but reading and writing in my field is not really the best substitute for actually doing.

The student in question is not very good with sauces. She burns her rice. She overcooks vegetables. If I were running a for profit restaurant and she applied for a job, I wouldn't hire her.

[smithmt]

No, the student was not present.

The student in question is not very good with sauces.

1) That could have made a difference if she was there.

2) maybe while she is supposed to be in your class making sauce, she is out with her friends getting sauced?

3) perhaps your could assign "homework" where she cooks at dinner at home. That way the father would understand why she's failing your class. Of course, I wouldn't have the grades count for too much. maybe she could turn in video of her doing the work. Does your school have a late grade policy? (like after the day it's due the highest you can get is a 70) If so, don't even watch the whole video, just give her a 70 and move on. that way, if she's still failing, you can say to the father "I've given your daughter every chance possible, unless you want me to engage in academic dishonesty, which is illegal."

[Chef Dave]

That could have made a difference if she was there.

Possibly ... unfortunately, this was an IEP meeting headed by the special education teacher. I was invited to be at the meeting but was not responsible for leading it or organizing it.


Maybe while she is supposed to be in your class making sauce, she is out with her friends getting sauced?

I have heard that she enjoys drinking. At the last party she was at, a teenage boy invited her into his bedroom where he pulled out a handgun, stuck it in his mouth, and pulled the trigger.

He was instantly killed.

Rather than asking why their boy had a handgun and why he shot himself, the family has blamed the girl for not stopping him.

The girl in question is also an unwed teenage mother. The father is a high school drop out who is a drug dealer wannabe who already has a police record for dealing.


Perhaps your could assign "homework" where she cooks at dinner at home. That way the father would understand why she's failing your class.

The family is just above the poverty line cut off for being on food stamps. Having this student purchase some of the ingredients that we use would be an economic challenge under the circumstances.

[smithmt]

I have heard that she enjoys drinking. At the last party she was at, a teenage boy invited her into his bedroom where he pulled out a handgun, stuck it in his mouth, and pulled the trigger.

He was instantly killed.

Rather than asking why their boy had a handgun and why he shot himself, the family has blamed the girl for not stopping him.


Yeah, I figured... we have a similar problem here. The drinking I mean. The suicide also happens, which then turns into an epidemic as the "it might be better w/o me" turns into "look at the response for the last suicide."

[MissTeach]

We are small town America and have a major problem with our students drinking and doing drugs. Many parents laugh it off as 'kids will be kids'. Other parents deny that their child is engaging in such behavior. We have tried several programs in the schools, but nothing can replace the parents.

[Boxcar]

These situations can be so frustrating. You do everything you can, but you know you can't save them all. In fact, it can feel like you are saving nobody at all sometimes.

[MissTeach]

I attended a professional development a couple of years ago where the leader kept reminding us that we couldn't save all of the students.