Teacher mom needs help with HS son...

[JustTess]

I'm trying to figure out my son's school personality and wondered if the nice HS teachers here could make sense of what teachers are trying to tell me or not tell me. He's my oldest soooooo...I'm not quite used to teenagers or what they are like in school. (I'm also trying to see if he fits the classic profile of an ADD/ADHD kid)

Soooo... here goes.

ID GT in Kindergarten
Aces standardized tests
OlSAT placed his score at 140... think that is the test's ceiling
called a lazy underachiever many years
looses papers
disorganized
grades are a rollar coaster (this is an improvement since he used to make a 69 in middle school--drove teachers crazy)
Never took remedial classes... teachers say it would waste a good seat for someone who really needed it.
math teacher says he seems to be always turning around to talk (in an all boy AP math class)
turns in almost everything late or completes projects on the day it's due.
seems to get angry when anyone tries to help him with math... eventhough he asked for help... says when they are explaining it to him... that is not what he doesn't get.. but can't explain what he doesn't get.
Never likes to show work in math.
Writes one sentence paragraphs and expects everyone to get it.

Ok... I imagine his teachers do not want to tell me their thoughts since he has probably made them question themselves... "why can't I motivate this kid?"

I do know his third grade teachers were going to trade him between their classrooms to level out the difficult students :O. I've also heard rumors of 3 of his teachers trying to ask him why couldn't he perform well in class just like his nice score on his almost perfect score on his test.

Is what I mentioned about his high school behaviour typical and he needs to just grow up?

He's going to see a psychiatrist who specializes in adolescent ADHD in about a month so, in the meantime, any advice would be appreciated. I know his teachers are too kind or embarrased to tell me what they think:eek: (for some reason, I am imagining one of my ADHD students who was a bit defiant in the classroom... oh my)

[Ima Teacher]

You just described a good 50% of my middle school boys!

sometimes they're bored
sometimes they're ADD or ADHD
sometimes they're ornery
sometimes they're immature

And then, sometimes, they're a little of all of that.

[WVmtnlady]

I am the mother of 3 sons and out of all of them only my youngest has shown even the slightest interest in maintaining good grades. I have one who is a jr. and he just barely slides by each grading period. He has the ability to make outstanding grades, but hates school with a passion! He always argues with me when I ask to see his report card. He is a boy fighting with the prospect of still being my son and the man that he will soon have to be. He thinks that going to school is a waste of his time and tells me that the majority of the subjects he has to take he won't even use as an adult. My goal in life right now, for him, is just to get him through the rest of this school year and through to graduation next year!! You are not alone!

[Chef Dave]

Before I went into the food service industry, became a chef, and later became a high school culinary arts instructor, I was an elementary teacher for 17 years.

Irresponsible students in my class were given homework notebooks. Before the end of each day, the students recorded their homework assignments, showed them to me, and I confirmed these assignments by signing their notebooks. The students took the notebooks home to show their parents. The parents countersigned so that I would know that they were aware of these assignments.

This procedure worked well ... and I was pleasantly surprised to find that there are some high school teachers at my school who also use this procedure.

If you are not aware of what assignments your child has, you might consider conferencing with his teachers and arranging for the use of just such a notebook.

You might also consider the possibility of implementing a rewards/consequences system. The consequence for not completing assignments, not using the homework notebook, and/or not having the materials at home to work on a given assignment i.e. worksheets, textbooks, etc. could be grounding with loss of TV privileges, phone privileges, and internet access.

Rewards could include the preparation of his favorite meal or taking him out to his favorite restaurant. Most teenagers like cash and if you give your son an allowance, you might consider use of an allowance based on merit i.e. merit bonuses for a good week at school and allowance deductions for a bad week ...

Try looking on-line for math tutoring software. If he's angry/resentful over the fact that someone has to help him with his math, he might be more receptive to using a tutoring program. Organizations like the Sylvan Learning Center offer 1:1 tutorial assistance for high school students in writing as well as Algebra I and II, Geometry, Trigonometry, Pre-Calculus, and Integrated Math/Senior Math. They also have a homework help program that allows students to drop by after school to receive assistance as needed.

As to whether or not your son is typical, he sounds like some of the students who drift into CTE programs. Most of the CTE students at our school are either special ed students or students who are experiencing difficulty with the regular education program.

I always worry about the latter group because even though the kids may be in a CTE program, they're still have to pass core academic subjects in order to graduate.

Earlier in the semester, I lost one of my most promising culinary arts students because she failed an English class and had to re-take it. Since the new class conflicted with culinary arts, the counselor withdrew her from my class and put her in English where I'm sorry to say, she is still failing.

[JustTess]

Chef Dave... we've been through all of it. He went down to just a bed and a lamp in his bedroom and 3 channels on the television in middle school. This helped him learn to study.

Now in HS, I've wondered where does he fit? His teachers say GT/advance classes. He would bother the students in regular class, and it would be babysitting in remedial class. He loves his teachers... especialy IB biology. Enjoys the peers in his courses... gets along with them.

I'll look into the online math tutorials. I've noticed he goes to Yahoo answers sometimes and someone would give one tiny suggestion and he gets un-stuck and goes on as if nothing was wrong. LOL

The more and more I think about it ... it seems perhaps maybe he does have cognitive issues.

:S

[mopar]

Many of my students are very bright. They excel in the world of academia but often times have some other difficulty pulling them down. It is hard to change kids once they reach high school but still possible. I would begin by ruling out some kind of learning disability. It sounds kind of crazy, but often times the students with exceptional abilities do have a slower processing speed or organizational issues. Another aspect to consider is Aspergers Syndrome. I've worked with a few brilliant students who were diagnosed with Aspergers. Again characterized by lack of organization but this one usually comes with some lack of social skills. The aspect of not being able to explain what he does not understand in math shows some aspect of Aspergers. Not sure if this really fits your son, as he often turns around to talk, but again something to rule out.
A simple ADD screening that I use with some of my middle grade students is www.adhd.com. They have an adult add screening that may help you see areas that are difficult for your son. Also, they offer many helpful suggestions.

[sendaletterbomb]

I'm wary of jumping to the assumption that your boy is ADD/ADHD since that is the most widely misdiagnosed disorders among adolescents. It's more than being sloppy and having a problem paying attention. Does he realize when he's starting to zone out? If so, it's not an attention issue.

As for the psychiatrist, don't always trust what they have to say. Outside testing sometimes reflects more on what the doctor thinks you want to hear instead of what the testing shows. Maybe he could be testing at the school by a special education teacher? That may prove to be more accurate since the teacher isn't being paid by you for the service.

[JustTess]

Thank you everyone who replied. I appreciate your insight and it has given me much to think about the direction I want to go with this.

I've found an excellent psychiatrist who has done extensive research and authored (sp?) a few books regarding adolescent and ADHD. He also has a staff of cognitive behavioral therapist so, this is comforting he isn't just looking at the issue from a purely medical perspective.

If he has ADHD or if he doesn't have it, one thing is clear, he still has to change his behaviour to get more positive results. A pill doesn't make one smarter or get better grades IMO. I'm sort of glad we are exploring this instead of him seeking out doctors when he is in college.


sendaletterbomb -- unfortunately many schools are not allowed to diagnose ADD or ADHD. Often teachers are warned about their wording since implying the students need medication would place the school responsible for treatment to create a fair and equal education for all learners....

[Oak Tree]

He's going to see a psychiatrist who specializes in adolescent ADHD

Good grief

[DarrenB]

I feel your pain. It is so difficult watching our children make decisions we know will affect their futures in such a way. One thing I haven't seen mentioned is the value of another male role model. Are there any after school programs for alternative minded kids that might have an alternative minded male figure? These can be tough to find, but I've seen many a disaffected young man step up and revitalize their learning when they knew an adult other than a parent expected it of them.

Good luck.

Darren B.
HelpingTeachersGrow . com

[JustTess]

DarrenB -- I am impressed... you're quite perceptive. Unfortunately, I have been looking for this solution for a while and subsequently, it isn't in the cards delt. Perhaps, I should accept I am doing the best I can at the moment.

[anyalee]

I hate when kids get a 69! I never ever give that grade...I hate how kids think that we never heard that number b4 and we don't know what it means- like they are speaking in a secret language.

[JustTess]

I hate when kids get a 69! I never ever give that grade...I hate how kids think that we never heard that number b4 and we don't know what it means- like they are speaking in a secret language.

Oh... I had a feeling he did this on purpose since tends to manipulate his grades for teachers he does not like.

In 5th... he did absolutely nothing the last grading period because his 5th grade teacher hurt his feelings. We took away all his privlidges, placed him in ISS, and turned in shotty work to avoid further punishment. Why? He finally told us when he got his report card... "I knew the grades would average out and I would pass!" This, I had never told him... I told him he would repeat if he failed 5th grade.

I have a hunch he did the 69 since he knew it would irritate me and a few teachers... it really did average out that way, but she gave him a 70.

Anyway, on his last progress he got a 65 in one class and now it's a 94 on the report card. I don't get it but I guess he's fixing whatever he needs to do in the class to become successful.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.... LOL... His IB biology teacher has convinced him he should look into medicine as a career and he's researched a few colleges he wants to go to.