Student Suicide

[Chef Dave]

A student from a neighboring school district recently committed suicide. One of my culinary arts students was with him when he allegedly pulled out a hand gun, stuck the barrel in his mouth, and shot himself in his bedroom.

The girl described the events in rather graphic detail to my restaurant manager and yours truly. The thing that amazed me was that her tone of voice was very matter of fact. When she talked about how the boy blew his brains and the back of his head all over the bedroom wall, it was as if she were talking about the weather.

The counselor's office and school administration were already aware of the shooting. The counselor's office has made arrangements for my culinary arts student to meet with a stress counselor from the county health office.

I'm worried about the student because I think she's in shock. I also worry that a delayed reaction could occur months or even years down the road.

The student who committed suicide is being buried tomorrow and the culinary arts student will be missing school to attend the funeral.

By extreme coincidence, my assistant manager and I have both experienced PTS, post-traumatic stress disorder. The manager suffered PTS several years ago at the hands of a physically abusive husband. I suffered a delayed onset after having lived in two different war zones.

As a result of our experiences, we were both able to recognize that she's still in shock and denial. Although she's certainly aware on a cognitive level that her friend is dead, she seems to be blocking this recognition on an emotional level.

Short of monitoring the student for signs of emotional distress, I really can't think of anything else that we can do for her.

I'd appreciate any constructive suggestions that you might have.

[Aziz]

Hi Chef Dave,

The student who witnessed her friend commit suicide may not necessarily develop actual PTSD, although it's likely that she will display some characteristics of PTSD for the next few weeks or months.

I have PTSD as well. I think the best thing to do is to let that student know that she can talk to you whenever she needs to. If you don't think it's your place to listen to her, you could also offer a therapist (especially one who specialized in PTSD--many general therapists aren't trained well enough to deal with PTSD patients) and then offer yourself as a lending ear if she can't afford a therapist. There have been studies shown that people exposed to trauma who are able debrief in the weeks following the trauma have much less severe symptoms of PTSD later in life, or only develop acute PTSD instead of chronic PTSD.

I think you should also do whatever it takes to make sure she doesn't get any additional emotional blows, so not only keeping an eye on her but also making sure that her friends are supportive.

I would tell your colleagues who teach her to be understanding if she spaces out a bit in class. You could explain to them that dissociation and hyperalertess are symptoms of PTSD so if she appears to be spacing out one minute and then seems paranoid the next, her teachers will know what's going on and will know to give her some space. I remember my PTSD was quite severe in high school and all I wanted was for my teachers to stop punishing me for behavior I honestly had little control over (e.g. having flashbacks in class.)

Sorry if I suggested things you already thought of. I hope I was of help. I hope she doesn't end up developing PTSD, because as you and I both know, it's a real damper on day-to-day life!

-Aziz

[Chef Dave]

I appreciate your advice.

The situation is becoming more complicated and I fear that the student may be headed for an emotional crash.

Small towns being what they are, gossip is rampant. Angry over the loss of their child, some family members have allegedly accused my student of culpability in their son's death. If this girl was present, why didn't she do anything? Why didn't she stop the boy from shooting himself?

Rumor has it that the students may have been drinking. No suicide note was found. Was the shooting impulsive? What role if any did this girl play in the teenage boy's death?

Although the matter is under investigation by local police, "judgment" is being passed by a score of wagging tongues and pointing fingers.

What really happened?

I don't know.

[Aziz]

Maybe you could mention that one of the many possible reactions to trauma (in addition to the fight and flight responses) is the freeze response. When being exposed to the trauma, witnesses often report feeling paralyzed in the most literal sense. While I have no idea of knowing what actually happened, the freeze response certainly is a possibility and could explain why this girl didn't do anything to stop her suicidal friend. I do realize that I know pretty much nothing so I am just throwing out whatever general knowledge I can think of and hoping it helps.

Here is a website I found that the girl's teachers may find helpful:
http://www.apa.org/practice/ptguidelines.html

I'm so sorry. I wish I could do something more specific to help rather than just sitting here and dishing out general information. Best of luck with everything.

-Aziz

[Spectre]

Alas....one of the drawbacks to living in a smaller town (as I realize you know) is that everyone knows everyone and thereby believes they have the right to pass judgement. No one has that right.

Sadly, there is almost nothing you can do about this. I have some experience dealing with that before. I also suffered from PTSD after I returned from the first gulf war. The worst thing about it was that I was the LAST one to realize it. Yep. It had hold of me and I didn't even realize it. It took the actions of a little neighborhood girl, whose family I had known for awhile (I practically helped raise the girl - she still calls me her "third daddy."). One day, while I was outside, washing my car, the little one came over to visit me, as she frequently did (her mother always knew where to find her if she wasn't at home); we engaged in our usual banter. Then suddenly, without any warning, the child burst into tears and threw her arms around me and started crying uncontrollably. I was shocked, to say the least. She had never done that before.:eek:

After a few minutes, she calmed down and then, haltingly, between sobs, told me that her mother had said that sometimes, when people go off to war or suffer some other trauma, they are never ever the same again. Her fear was that that had happened to me because since I had returned from the gulf, I didn't tease with her like I used to and I didn't laugh much. I wasn't mean to her, but I was very different and she was really worried about me. She wanted the old me back.

Until that moment, I really had no idea of what had happened to me. It took a child to alert me. Others had seen it too, but chose to just back off and give me some time. Adults can do that. LOL! Children don't want to wait!

Well, after that day, I started coming out of it pretty quickly. I had met the "enemy" and it was me.

The best thing, in fact, I believe, the only thing to do for this student is to just give her some space, but be available for her and have others on standby in case she needs assistance.

She likely IS in shock right now. I would be too if I saw someone blow their brains out right in front of me. she is probably in denial somewhat, but will come out of it soon. The usual progression, then, is anger, then regret, and then, finally, coming to terms with self. You likely know that from y our own experience.

The talk in town won't help. Perhaps you all can. good luck.

[Chef Dave]

Here is a website I found that the girl's teachers may find helpful:
http://www.apa.org/practice/ptguidelines.html



Thank you for sharing that. Unfortunately, that didn't really help either.

The student in question is atypical for our school.

She's a teenage mother.

Her grades are dismal. Last semester she was absent for 27 days and squeaked by with a 63 GPA. We are now three weeks into the second semester and she has already missed half of this semester. She currently has a GPA of just 13% due to accumulated zeros for makeup assignments that haven't been turned in.

She is irritable and short tempered with her classmates. None of my students enjoy working with her because she is constantly badmouthing other kids. Since all students are responsible for working in our student operated restaurant at least once a week, my restaurant manager dreads Tuesday because the girl is unreliable and is frequently absent. Her absence typically results in a service shortfall which means that the manager has to double as a cashier and counter server.

I must admit that I am having a very hard time dealing with this student. Her accumulated absences are catching up with her because she increasingly lacks the prerequisite knowledge and skills to succeed in class. She seems unwilling to try and can often be found sitting in the culinary arts lab while her classmates are all busily engaged with the production of lunch.

When asked why she isn't participating, she typically complains that she doesn't like the student she was told to work with ... or she doesn't know how to do the assigned task.

This student claims that she wants a career in the food service industry ... but if she were an employee, I would have fired her a long time ago. :mad:

[Aziz]

I'm sorry, Chef Dave. I wish I could give you advice but I've never had to deal with this kind of situation. If there is any way I can help, let me know.

-Aziz