Do you haveparents like this???

[s.kindel]

How do I deal with parents that do not read notes sent home, newsletters, or even posted announcements? These parents will go weeks without taking papers out the the kids folders and never seem to know what's going on. They don't turn in permission slips, send snacks, dress their child for theme days,etc. On Valentines Day and Christmas parties I bring in extras since I know some kids won't have gifts to give b/c of their parents. What I hate most is that it hurts the child. We have before and after care so the same assistant or teacher may not be there when they get dropped off or picked up so they don't know to mention anything. It is crazy!!! These irresponsible parents make me soooo angry and I need to know how to handle it. :mad:

Thank's for letting me vent and hopefully you have some good advice for me.

[Chef Dave]

One of the hardest lessons any teacher must come to terms with is the fact that we have no control over the home lives of our students.

I'm taking my culinary arts students on a field trip to a major food vendor event in Phoenix come 2/21 ... and half of my class haven't turned in their insurance forms. If they don't turn in their insurance forms, I'll be leaving them a TON of busy work to work on while the rest of us are gone.

I wish all of the kids would go but I can't force them to take their insurance forms home. I can't force them to have their parents fill out the information. I can't force them to have their parents sign the forms.

The only thing I can do is to impose consequences for not having the form.

Anyone who doesn't have a form will have to stay at school and work on make up.

Compassion is a wonderful quality for classroom teachers to have ... but at the end of the day when we pack up to go home, I think we also need to leave all of our school related problems and concerns at the classroom door.

When I was an elementary teacher, I once had homeless children in my classroom. I fretted over them on the weekends. Were they warm? Were they safe? Were they getting enough to eat?

In the end I realized that there was really nothing I could do to improve their situations. I had no control over the lives of the parents or the decisions they made. The only thing I could really do as a classroom teacher was to make my classroom an oasis of warmth and safety. Beyond that, the kids were on their own from the moment they left campus to the moment they returned to school.

[Spectre]

Wish I could say otherwise, but there are just some things you cannot do much about. That was one of the hardest lessons I learned when I first started out in the classroom. It still grates on me some, 25 years later.
There are just some people who are irresponsible and, sadly, it seems that number increases all the time.
You're one person and can only do so much. You obviously care a lot or you wouldn 't be asking for help here, but you should not take on these children to raise.

[sweetsass]

The non-caring parent is the norm at my school.

You must help the child as best you can without making the child your problem. Without letting it interfere with your life, overextending yourself, or over-compromising.

[Progress]

I couldn't agree more,parents make our lives difficult because teaching is about being with that child most part of their day.

Difficult as it is,at times we have to separate our emotions from our work.Do all we can to provide students with learning environment where they all feel welcome without any sort of discrimination.

As an individual,compassionately talk to your students to make it a point that they take the notes to the parents.If the parent does not have time to read,the child may take the note when it is family meal time.

[FrazzleDazzle]

I don't know the age or number of students, but in my small class of high school students I make showing their parents notes part of their homework. Part of the reason it works is because I only do it with the most important things.

[kingrichie]

I hear you. You try and try, but still little or no response. My favorites are the ones that finally show up for a conference and promise to check their homework and everything. Then you never hear from them again.
Urgh!

[Boxcar]

I'm a bit suprised at this thread.

Not all parents can read at a high level. Many are uncomfortable with printed information.

Not all parents have time to read a full length letter.

Don't ever assume a parent doesn't care just because s/he is unresponsive to the only form of communication tried.

Never use only one medium of communication.

If writing it out is your thing, try a list or outline. These are easy to skim and more successful.

Use e-mail. Once again, make it brief. If you have a lot to say, do it in several notes instead of one.

Have a phone chain or call each parent individually. More and more schools are using automated phone recordings. Take advantage of this if your school has it.

Ask the parents what method of communication they prefer. Then, use that format.

As for parties, some families can't afford costumes and gifts. Also, some families don't do that sort of stuff. Christmas is not everyone's thing.

Some things will have to be written down on paper, yes. A permission slip is one example. Nonetheless, if a parent is more comfortable with a phone call, you can still telephone and give the parent a heads-up. Simply say that the class is going on this field trip and give the details. Then, tell the parent to sign the form and send it back.

One more thing: print everything in at least two languages. Usually, it is English and Spanish. There are many indivduals with English as a Second Language. Reading can be difficult for these persons if it is not in their native tongue.

!!!

[Boxcar]

Oh, I forgot this question: What is the nature of the insurance forms? Do they ask the students to provide proof of insurance? Many kids aren't insured or even have regular physicians. If there is an issue, they go to the ER. Perhaps your students see no point in giving the parent a form that can't be filled out...

[javamomma]

Gotta love these parents. I send home a newsletter every single week, and keep a web site up to date on happenings in our class. And yet, I will still have parents that do not have a clue about what is happening. :(

[ginger11]

I think there are parents like that everywhere. God knows I have some of those with my students this year. One parent always finds excuses for the things she is not doing. She blames it on the youngest child. I teach 1st grade. Reading to your child every night is essential. I can only do so much and yet I still have 6 students that are struggling with independent reading.

[Bananas]

Boxcar,

Thank you for your thoughts and observations. You give some good suggestions.

Don't be too surprised at what you are reading. It is not so much that teachers, at least some of us, are trying to be judgmental. For me, it is the great concern on what the child has to deal with; after all, they are our bottomline. Communication with parents can take a toll on our mental and physical energy as the years go by. It also consumes a good part of our time which could be spent on other things needing to be done.

I believe a lot of teachers do use multiple forms of communication. Sending notes home in the planner or with the student, phone calls and leaving messages, mailing letters home, sending emails, having a webpage for the listing of assignments and/or lesson plans, daily homework assignments on the phone system, posting grades and assignments on the electronic gradebook for the parents and students to look at, etc. How many teachers use several of these options? With a few specific parents, a mailing may be registered or certified to ensure that communication has been received. It is sometimes draining to go beyond the norm continually in our efforts to do what is right by our students.

We face repeated attempts to contact the parents with no response to parents who hover so closely that they would consume our total planning time, before and after school moments, etc. as often as we would allow.

Thank heavens for the parents who know the balance and fall into step to help us with their child!

I know with church, we announce things at the beginning of the service, place it in the weekly church bulletin, mail out letters or postcards, and in the monthly newsletter. We still hear folks complain that they never heard about such-and-such and why didn't they know about it. :eek:

[Boxcar]

For me, it is the great concern on what the child has to deal with; after all, they are our bottomline. Communication with parents can take a toll on our mental and physical energy as the years go by. It also consumes a good part of our time which could be spent on other things needing to be done.

I didn't look at it that way. Those are really good points. I can understand how frustrating it can be.

[Ima Teacher]

I teach in a high-poverty area. Plenty of the parents cannot read well enough to make sense of the notes. Some don't have phones. Some move so frequently that we never have a current address. Some don't have the money for the things they need every day, much less for extra items. Some don't drive or don't have a car that is reliable. We're also a rural area, so there's not public transportation or lots of stores.

Sometimes the parents are working a lot and can't get the necessary things. Sometimes they had bad experiences with school and don't feel comfortable being there. And, yes, sometimes they just don't want to.

I only have control over what happens to those kids while they are with me, so I do the best I can with them while they're mine.