Social Services type advice

[lakesider]

I am not a teacher and am asking if it is allright to post a question to teachers. My goal is to help a 1st grade boy who is caught in a tough situation. My questions might better be directed to Social Services or Protective Services, but for reasons, it is not possible.

Before going into any details, I want to ask if it is ok to post such a question. It is not about curriculmns or anything like that.

[Chef Dave]

Before going into any details, I want to ask if it is ok to post such a question. It is not about curriculmns or anything like that.

Yes, you're welcome to post. Why can't you take this problem to child protective services?

[teach1027]

You need to do whatever you can to help the child, especially if they are in danger.

[kingrichie]

My question for you is, how would you feel if you did nothing and this child ends up being harmed?

[Chef Dave]

My question for you is, how would you feel if you did nothing and this child ends up being harmed?

Ah ... but for reasons unknown it is not possible.

So I ask again ... why isn't this possible?

[lakesider]

Thank you for your response. This concerns my 6-1/2 yr old grandson. My son is the father. Here is my question. If you evidenced the following in a first grade boy what, if anything would you do? There is a tremendous amount of detail but I am relating only that which would be known to a teacher or administrator.

Mother and father are divorced. Mother has primary physicall custody. Both parents have joint legal custody.

The previous year the child attended public kindergarten in another cithy. Mother enrolled child in this school (Private Christian School). . Father wasn't visible until second day of school when it became apparent, he had no knowledge of enrollment. He visited the school, introduced himself and provided copies of court order showing legal status, parenting time, child support, etc. He also volenteered to help in school every other Thurs morning and Fri afternoons. (His parenting time begins when school ends Fri). He asked for copies of notices, etc be given to him as he does not have visibility of them.

Teacher is aware there is conflict between parents. Teacher's knowledge of this came from discussions with mother. (I am not aware of information given to the teacher. I can guess but will not do so here). Other than to inquire of child's attendence or ask if lunch was being provided by mother, Father has never said a word about mother but unspoke exasperation is evident over lunch and other issues.

Child has missed a total of 10 days since school began in Sept. I am not aware of reason given by mother, but child has told teacher it is because, "he cannot get up in the morning". Child takes a shuttle bus from the high school where his mother brings him in the mornings, but many days, she drives him to schooll because the didn't make the bus. Child has had a constant runny nose or cough since school began.

On one occasion father arrived at school to discover child was absent. Teacher told father that child had been absent for two previous days also and mother had indicated taking him to doctor. This was the first father learned of it.

When child sees father in school, he beams and there is an obvious, visible bond between father and child. Myself and wife attended Grandparent's day at the school. Child was eager and excited to see us and give us the guided tour, introductions, etc. To my knowledge, mother or maternal grandmother have never attended a class function. Mother attends college part time and does not work.

Child had been bringing a packed lunch to school consisting of a peanut butter (no jelly) sandwich. It is made from food bank type product which tends to be oily and separated. The bread appears to be some kind of whole grain and chewy. If the child ate the lunch, he did not appear to enjoy it and usually threw away most of it.

Father becoming aware of lunch issue, bought hot lunch tickets so the boy could have them anytime he wanted. Mother called a couple days later, asking the child not be allowed to have the hot lunches because she did not want her packed lunch to go to waste. The child appears to want the hot lunches but declines to use the tickets and doesn't want to discuss his reasons.

Child is supposed to bring a mid morning snack (something healthy). He usually "forgets" or brings a cookie, donut, etc. Mother also failed to send in money and form for milk. Father noted this and provided money to cafeteria people so that he never goes without milk.

Child usually "forgets" an item for show and tell which is on Wednesdays. He also appears tired in class. Hower, he does well in his school work surpasing other children. He lags most other children in physical activities and seems lacking in social skills with his peers. In spite of this he relates very well to adults and is very articulate on subject that he initiates.

There are days he lacks attention and doesn't follow instructions. On Mondays, he is eager to relate activities of the weekend with his father. He never talks about events with his mother.

The child is clean and reasonably dressed. There are no bruises, physical signs or anything out of the ordinary. Other than being slightly built and pale, he is healthy.

There is much, much more detail but based soley on the observations I have noted above, what would you do as a teacher, admin, (if anything).

I am not asking for suggestions as to what we should do, but what kind of concerns you would have. If your observations caused a desire to know more, how would you approach it? Who would you talk to? What would you ask?

Sorry for being lengthy.

[Chef Dave]

If the child has been absent 10 days or more because he "can't get up," as the child's classroom teacher, I would contact the mother to see what the problem was. Most school districts have some sort of absence policy.

What typically happens is that the attendance clerk at the school will call the mother to find out why the child is absent. Most schools distinguish between excused and unexcused absences.

Legitimate reasons for excused absences may include:

* Personal illness. (Medical verification may be required).
* Family emergencies or crises.
* Attendance at a funeral.
* Religious holidays or religious instruction.
* Medical and legal appointments. Verification of appointment may be required.
* Severe inclement weather when District schools are not officially closed.

Absences that exceed the number of days permitted by state statutes, despite parent approval, are unexcused absences. Students who accumulate unexcused absences are labeled as "habitual truants."

Different states have different laws regarding habitual truants. I live in Graham County in Arizona. In Graham County, the police will arrest habitual truants and put them in a juvenile center. In California, I think the parents are given graduated fines i.e. X dollars for the 1st offense with higher fines for repeat offenses.

The problem that I see here is that the child has been enrolled in a private Christian school - so I am not sure if state statutes actually apply.

Insofar as the mother is legal guardian, I think she is within her rights to have the child eat a peanut butter sandwich for lunch instead of a hot meal.

Although I sympathize with your grandchild's plight, I very much regret that there is no law against bad parenting.

There are laws against child neglect but neglect is defined as a "type of maltreatment that refers to the failure to provide needed age-appropriate care," such as shelter, food, clothing, education, supervision, medical care and other basic necessities needed for development of physical, intellectual and emotional capacities.

The only possible problem the parent may have (from the school's point of view) are the child's accumulated absences. If the child is not going to school because he "can't get up," then the mother is contributing to the child's truancy.

The school may not be aware of the actual reasons for all of the child's absences. As you yourself said, you don't know what excuses the mother has given the school.

So ... since you asked about the teacher's point of view, I must regretfully say that I don't see a problem. I wish the child could have a hot meal but if the mother wants him to eat a peanut butter sandwich, that is her legal choice as the child's guardian.

Since the child is clean and well dressed and appears to have all of his basic needs being met, I would probably not be concerned about this child if I were the kid's teacher.

[mopar]

I would worry a little about the lunches. I would speak with the mother because she has physical custody about her son not wishing to eat his lunch. I would ask her if she wanted me to make him eat what she packed or if she would send in money for hot lunches or speak with him about what he wants for lunch. I refuse to let a child go hungry.
I would also speak with the mother about the snack choice and that it needs to be healthy. I would ask the mother to send in a large healthy snack to keep at school. Ex: goldfish crackers, bag of pretzels, applesauce, etc. If the mother said that she couldn't afford or have time, I would ask her if I could speak with you about sending in a snack to keep at school.
For these matters I would start with the mother merely because she has primary physical custody. I would share the concern with the father, but allow the mother to make the decisions.

I would speak with both parents regarding attendance. It is not my job to know which parent has the child on which days, so this is a concern to both parents. I would talk with my administration and find out how many absences the child has and then why he was called in. Then I would address my concern with both parents.

The biggest issue that I feel exists is the lag in social skills. I would speak with both parents about this and if I received consent, I would ask to have him meet with the social worker or maybe even be evaluated...depending on how much it interferes with his day. I would want him to develop the social skills that he needs to be successful at school. I would also discuss the possibility of challenging him because if he is truly bored, I would want to move on to more challenging curriculum. And discuss his inattention in school. This may be due to lack of sleep or something more (ADD/ADHD) but I would want the parents to be aware.

Most importantly, I would document and conversations and anything that happened in school to keep for my own records. I would use email as much as possible so that I can communicate with both parents at the same time. They would both receive the same message from me.

[Chef Dave]

I would worry a little about the lunches.

I tend to be a bit sensitive about lunches.

When I was an elementary teacher, I once found one of my students crying in the cafeteria. His head was face down on the table and he was crying his heart out. He had apparently forgotten his lunch money.

I dug into my pocket and gave him $1.50 for lunch.

On the following morning, a screaming parent was waiting for me outside my classroom. "HOW DARE YOU GIVE HANDOUTS TO MY CHILD!" she howled.

"HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO LEARN ABOUT CONSEQUENCES IF YOU GIVE HIM MONEY TO BUY HIS %*&$@ LUNCH! I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO BUY HIS %*&$@ AND I DO NOT NEED YOUR %*&$@ CHARITY!"

She jabbed her finger into my chest and told me that if I EVER gave him a handout, she'd haul my butt before the district superintendent and complain about my blatant interference with her parental rights.

Sheesh ... :eek:

Her temper was not improved when I said, "You know ... I think a simple 'thank you' would have sufficed ..."

:eek:

[mopar]

I would have done precisely the same thing that you did Chef Dave. I feel that all students need to eat...it is a long day. However, I probably would try to call the parent first (if I knew ahead of time that the child didn't have a lunch). Sometimes you just don't get that chance.