I worry about the most unnecessary things . . .

[DeSand]

This is kind of long, just scroll down if you don't want a long read . . .

I come from a long line of worriers, which I know I don't need to do, but it must be in my DNA somehow. Three years ago I got my "dream teaching job," which is teaching Pre-K in a school system. This, after teaching in the state's Pre-K program under a community-action organization where we were not paid even state base teacher pay (though a state certificate was required). I was overjoyed to be able to join the school system and be placed on the state pay scale, with salary credit given for my previous years teaching Pre-K. I finally felt like I was getting the respect of my educational peers, instead of feeling like everyone thought I was a "babysitter." My first year, I had the only Pre-K class in my school, and the site visits by the state consultant went well. Last year (my second year), another Pre-K class was added, and the teacher that was hired had neither the idea nor the desire to learn what Pre-K was all about. Whenever the consultant came, the other teacher always had the students seated at the table for 45 minutes at a time, doing kindergarten work, instead of Pre-K style teaching (lots of hands-on, creative development). We got a bad score because she never got it together and changed her style to fit the Pre-K mold. She always said she would, and then she would go ahead and do as she wanted. Needless to say, it was a great relief to all (including administration) when she left. This year, a former first-grade teacher at the school has taken her place. This teacher ("teacher B") seems much more willing to learn "the Pre-K way," and she is taking classes as a first-year Pre-K teacher. I am helping her with things like lesson plans, following the PQA (Program Quality Assessment), and things like that.

Here's the rub--in October, a consultant who "helps programs that got bad scores the previous year" came to visit. We had many things to change, which we have been working on. She had said then that she would be back in the week before we got out for Christmas (figures!). I have not heard from her since she left, except to get an e-mail from her containing helpful PQA resources. I don't know if she will come back then or not, or if it will be after Christmas, and I'm hesitant to e-mail her to "remind" her of the visit. It's not that I mind her coming, but the week before Christmas????

Anyway, long story short (after the "long" part, lol), I sometimes get panicked about whether my contract will be renewed each year (I didn't get a contract until I started at this school system). I worry about whether I'm doing a good enough job, but wouldn't they tell me if I wasn't? Should I speak to the principal and tell her how I feel? Should I talk to the school counselor just as a friend? I don't want anything to happen to this job, and I know I am probably just spazzing out like I do from time to time, but I am the main breadwinner in my home, since my husband is on disability due to bipolar disorder. I love this job, and I can see myself retiring from it in 20-25 years' time. I admit that I sometimes use my laptop to check the news or play around with Hexic with my nice techy computer pen, which, although it is in the school handbook to please not use the computer to surf the Net or play games, it's one of those things that you know "everyone does." Also, I only do this at rest time for 20-30 minutes, which I guess I justify by the fact that I don't have a duty-free lunch and am with the students all day. Maybe I shouldn't do it, whether anyone else does or not. I haven't been chewed out for anything, and I think I'm doing a good job, I just hope the principal thinks so.

I'm sorry for the rambling, long post, and I know I'm worrying unnecessarily, but I would appreciate some advice/words of wisdom/whatever. Thanks!

[3rdgradeteach]

You know.....Life is tough and what will be will be someone once said...I believe that everything happens for a purpose and you are at that school for a reason...and you are making a difference...don't beat yourself up so much and stop worrying...it only shortens your life span and ruins your health! Be confident and positive and things will look up and work out the way they are supposed to! Good luck and God Bless!

[Chef Dave]

There is no point in worrying about things that are beyond your control because you'll only drive yourself to distraction.

Worry about the things you CAN control.

For example, you are worried about whether or not you are doing a good job.

Question: Have you gone through a formal evaluation yet? If so, what did the building administrator say? You should have gotten a copy of the evaluation.

Would your school administration tell you if you weren't doing a good job? Yes - most administrators would. If you weren't doing a good job and they didn't tell you and your contract wasn't renewed ... you'd have grounds to appeal this decision.

It is in the best interest of the building administrator (who is ultimately responsible for everything that happens at school) to make sure that all teachers are doing the best possible job they can.

Should you speak to the principal and tell her how you feel? Sure. Why not? It's perfectly natural to feel this way as a first year teacher. Most people go through some form of the first year jitters. Talk to your building administrator. Tell her how much you enjoy being on campus. Ask her for constructive feedback on your performance as a teacher.

Don't waste your time fretting about the "what ifs." Take charge of your life and focus on the "what ares."

If you meet with your building administrator and she expresses a concern about an area that needs improvement, be proactive. Fix the problem. Demonstrate that you're a professional educator who is dedicated towards becoming the best teacher that she can possibly be!

[mopar]

Obviously a Pre-K program is needed in the district. When you begin to fret, think about the parent uproar if the Pre-K program is lost. I have a feeling that even if you receive another poor score, the parents will fight to keep the program.
My district recently added a Pre-K program for students with special needs only. The parents are banding together to get a Pre-K program for all students.
Have you made many of the major changes that the reviewer wanted you to make? If you have, great. If not, well then make those changes. They are looking for you to try to make change.
I would not discuss your feelings with the principal but instead discuss his/her vision of the Pre-K program. Or ask for him/her to observe to see if you have made many of the needed changes. However, be weary to admit you are feeling overwhelmed or unsure, unless you have a very maternal or paternal principal. Also, be weary of discussing these programs with the social worker. Teachers speak, so unless you want the entire school knowing or are friends with the social work-proceed with caution.

[DeSand]

Thanks, all. I know that there is no reason to worry, I have never received a derogatory evaluation by the principal in all the time I've worked there. I know that God has placed me here for a reason, and I know I have made a difference. In fact, I had originally applied there for a kindergarten position, so eager was I to move from the Pre-K where I was, but I was placed in the Pre-K class once they found out I had Pre-K experience, so I know this was an answer to prayer. I just get a bad case of the "what-ifs" now and then. I appreciate your replies and words of encouragement.

[tamara]

Desand, I work in a blended program- we are pre-k lottery funded as well as Head Start funded- it takes a lot to loose your funding. Relax- be natural when you are observed- continue to "do" what is developmentaly appropriate for young children. The more you are observed the easier it gets. Also, if you haven't you should go to the Georgia's web page - Bright from the Start- excellent resources for your room. Perhaps we will meet at a workshop somewhere in Ga. I have one coming up in April in Macon. Continue to be compasionate and nurturing to your preschool children.

[DeSand]

I guess I get more concerned about what the principal thinks about the kind of job I'm doing than anything. I don't know how much my contract renewal depends on her opinion. I've been observed many times before (I've taught Pre-K since 2001), and yes, there is a certain amount of anxiety that goes along with that, but I think I'm doing a good job, personally. It's just the little things that get me: the number of unit blocks in block area, things like that. It's just that the principal is not as familiar with the Pre-K program as I am, and she asks me how do we do this, how do we do that, and the idea that I am the resident expert at anything kind of scares me, because how do I really know that I am truly knowledgeable about it? Yes, I do know things, but I'm not always right about everything. I do feel like I do a good job where it counts, though, when it comes to the children and their learning, and truly caring about them.

[mopar]

That is when you push for more professional development on areas where you feel that you need to learn more information or ideas. The more questions you ask, the more opportunities you will get to increase your learning.

[teach1027]

All you can do is do your job to the best of your ability. If you need help ask for it, and know that is is OK to worry. I am in a similar situation. and all any of us can do is our best. I am not saying that I don't worry, but whatever will be will be.

[3rdgradeteach]

I actually started out in the 2nd grade and they slowly pulled me away and separated us into 2 different classes. We did have the 2nd and 3rd grade together in the same room. It has turned out fairly well I guess. Althought the children are awayt from the friends they made at the beginning of the year. They see them at breaks and lunch.
I know that sounds weird, but we are a small christian school. I probably won't have many of the problems you all talk about, but if I can help I will certainly try :)

[3rdgradeteach]

I guess my biggest fear is the kids just not learning as much as they can from me. I try so many different things if they don't "get" it. Humor seems to help as well. I don't want to be like some of the teachers I had. GOODNESS! They were mean and unapproachable to say the least. I had a few that were nice, but for the most part I refuse to be like that! I am responsible for their little minds and it is scary.