put in a difficult position- help!

[sallyonsunday]

Hi i'm new here and i have a question which i'd like some of the more experienced teachers to give their opinion on.

I used to work in a primary school where there were lots of pupils from ethnic minority backgrounds. A muslim girl of about eight called me over and said "miss, guess what tobias just said to me, he said that some men love each other and they can get married and have sex together and do rude things- is it true? i don't think its true, i think he's lying! as if that can really happen! men cant marry other men!" and the boy (who was incredibly streetwise and very bright) said "it is true isn't it miss, tell her, it's called being gay isn't it, its homosexual? i'm right arent i?"

This was a really horrible position for me to be in especially as this girl was very devout and i could imagine what her father would think of the content of this conversation, so i detracted from it and said "hey-you've got ten minutes left to do this work and both of you havent even got halfway through, stop chatting about things and get on please, because you're behind!"

but it made me feel really uncomfortable, not because i feel uncomfortable talking about sex, but because this girl has no idea about it and thought the subject was incredible. On the other hand, i didnt want to lie and say it wasn't true as it plainly is. What should i have done in this situation?

Thanks!

[mkreher]

I've often wondered about this too---need some advice

And if you should talk about homosexuality, what is the right grade/age level to do so? Or is this something we as teachers should leave to the parents?

-Confused

[sallyonsunday]

Yeah. i've had it with older kids. i used to work in year nine in a sex education class. These children were ebd and were incredibly tough kids from rough neighbourhoods who were having sex from the age of about 12 in some cases. we tried to be totally honest, and taught it with straight and gay staff and tried to explain some questions that they had. What shocked us was that some of the boys had NO CLUE about sex, except the physicality of how to do it. We asked them to label diagrams- some boys not even being able to point out the vagina!

One boy had no idea what testicles were and what they were for and was stunned to learn that they carried sperm. one 15 year old boy asked a lesbian staff member "how can lesbians have sex?" When she told him he was horrified and obviously had no clue. I think sometimes we can underestimate children too.

[landreth2007]

I have told students before that there are some things that teachers teach and some things that parents teach. Sometimes you just have to tell them to ask their parents and then give the parents a heads up about the upcoming conversation. Of course, you know your students and the circumstances surrounding the questions. There are times when a simple straightforward answer can put the matter to rest, and sometimes distraction is the best choice! I wish there was one easy response to rely on. Best of luck!

[sallyonsunday]

yeah this is a toughie isnt it, and like you said- should we be alluding to homosexuality at all in schools? If so what should be the message?

As much as we'd like to give children the message that it's okay to be gay, think there are religions would contradict that! and it would be a potential minefield! Part of me thinks its unfair to "exclude" children from sex ed, as a christian boy was in our group. He was self conscious that his parents had removed him and I felt slightly sorry for him there on his own.

[SLP]

This is an issue for parents...not for teachers to be teaching or explaining in school. I agree with Landreth2007 above. Tell them that they should ask their parents. As a parent myself, I would not want any teacher telling my children about sex or sexuality. This is not an issue for schools,especially not elementary schoools. It is an issue for home.

[teach1027]

I do not beleive that it is the schools place to talk about that it is the parents. What you did is absolutely correct. It is not your place to "educate" anyon's child on that. If you had gotten into a discussion you would have had a very upset parent onyour hands.

[mopar]

I would honestly reply to the students that this is not my expertise. If they are really curious about the matter to discuss it with their parents. I would pull the boy aside and let him know that this is not appropriate conversation for school and these questions should be asked of his parents.
Then call or write to the parents to let them know that their son brought this up and let the other parents know that one of the students made this comment. This way the parents are ready for the conversation.

[Chef Dave]

I think Mopar is right. Unless your school has a sex education program, this is something that children should discuss with their parents.

[kingrichie]

I would definately advise the child to discuss the issue with their parents. I would also speak to the parent to warn them of the upcoming issue.